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The Soother Fairy
Recently, we had a huge change come into our household. Cue the drumroll!! Curly Girl gave up her beloved “su-su”. For big people ears, that means she sadly but bravely gave up her soothers. The soother fairy came to take the “su-su’s” to new babies who needed them more. But the truly miraculous change happened from the lesson I learned from the soother fairy. It had gotten to the point in our household where dear Curly Girl was waking up 5 or 6 times a night to find her “su-su” that had popped out of her mouth. Many times it was lost somewhere in the tangle of sheets and covers and she would call out for me to find it. With Babykins still nursing quite a bit through the night, I was beyond exhausted and I was in tears because I could no longer cope. So after a week of having missy waking up calling for her soother and then wanting me to lay with her for hours (and I am not joking when I say 2 to 3 hours) as she flipped back and forth until she fell back asleep, I knew something needed to change. I knew Curly Girl needed her sleep and so did I!! It was time to say goodbye to her lovey.
It may sound crazy to you, but I dreaded this day. I dreaded being the one to take away my baby’s lovey. The thing she relied on to comfort her when she was upset, to lull her to sleep, when I was nursing baby and laying beside her. Talking about it actually gets me a little teary eyed because it hurts a poor momma’s heart to be the one to have to make hard decisions that will hurt your child’s hurt, even if they are in the best interest of your little.
I struggled to know exactly how to get rid of the soother. I had read and mulled over multiple ideas and plans. Taking it away cold turkey and letting Curly Girl just cry it out was not an option. It seemed cruel. Cutting the ends off seemed feasible but I felt like that would just result in a tantrum leaving Curly Girl feeling confused about how one day something works and then the next it doesn’t. I considered sending her su-su’s off to Santa but this idea quickly changed when Curly Girl couldn’t find her su su one day. She looked at me with a scowl “Bad Ho Ho, took Su-Su!!” I didn’t want to kill her Santa dreams too so that idea was out the window. So I thought again about what friends had done. One dear friend had a Goodbye Soother Party!
Soother Fairy Party
So I decided to have the Soother Fairy stop by. I really wanted to create a fun experience even though I knew that it was sad for Curly Girl to lose her su su. If you want to use the same printable that I used you can head on over here!!
One afternoon, after I finally hit my breaking point I had Curly Girl walk over to the mailbox where inside was a letter from the “su-su” fairy. It asked her if she would be willing to give her new “su-su’s” to new babies because they had run out of soothers at fairy headquarters. There was both a look of excitement and sadness in Curly Girl’s eyes as she ran up to her room to find a bag that the “su-su” fairy had delivered. In it were all kinds of different fairy activities and goodies.
The bag had:
- fairy wings
- glass vials to make pixie dust
- wands to decorate with glitter paint and ribbons
- bubble fair wands
- Glow Ring Fairy Wands
- the free printable door hanger
- a bag to collect Curly Girl’s su-su’s
The girls slipped on their fairy wings ran outside to do bubbles and then had a dance party. We decorated our fairy wands and then created fairy pixie dust. Thinking about it now I should have posted something about it step by step but it really is super simple. Grab some salt, food colouring, your little glass vials, and a sandwich bag. Dump some salt in the bag, put in 1 or 2 drops of food colouring and then mix it together. Cut a hold in the corner of the bag and pour it into your jar. All you need is faith, trust and pixie dust!! The girls had a fairy tea party for supper, watched Curly Girl’s favourite movie, had a scavenger hunt to find all the su-su’s in the house to put in the special bag and then went to sleep.
Let’s talk about the nitty gritties
Now, let’s get down to the nitty gritty details of what you actually want to know. How did it all turn out?? Did she cry?? Was it absolutely pain-less with zero tears??
Well the first night was great, Curly Girl asked for her remembered that she had put them in a bag to give to the su-su fairy. She checked on the bag a couple of times and went to bed without a fuss. She tossed and turned and really struggled to fall asleep so she got to watch a bit of TV on the couch until her little eyes fluttered closed. (I don’t let the girls ever watch TV falling asleep because it is not good for you but special times call for special measure) She woke once and was grumpy when she couldn’t have her su-su but Curly Girl was brave when I reminded her the su-su fairy needed them for new babies and there would be a special surprise in the morning. She asked to sleep on the couch so we headed back there. Night one was a success. I had slept better than I had slept for months! I felt good, she felt good and I knew we made the right choice.
Night two we weren’t as lucky. I ended up having to run some errands in the afternoon, so Curly Girl fell asleep in the van. She had a good hour nap that meant she had lots of spit and vinegar when it came to bedtime. The other girls went down without a fuss but Curly Girl was downright mad that she couldn’t have her su-su. She screamed and cried and yelled for a good three hours. Off and on. On and off. And my poor momma heart ached for her. My heart was breaking that her heart was breaking. But I knew that I couldn’t give in and give it back to her. It would teach her that her tantrums could give her what she wanted. She would lose more and more sleep. Everyone would be more and more tired. So we walked the floor, rocking and swaying as she screamed and cried. I shushed. I bounced. I rocked. I sang. And eventually poor Curl Girl fell to sleep. Waking again once that night for her su-su. Fussing for fifteen minutes and then falling back to sleep.
Night Three, Four, and Five
Night three, four, and five we were at a cousins’ sleepover. With positive peer pressure and having run the whole day Curly Girl fell to sleep quickly without it. And from there we haven’t looked back.
The lesson or the take away
But you know what Momma?? I learned a huge lesson from this. I don’t like when my babies cry. I don’t like cry it out. If you missed my why, you can check it here!! But I also learned that sometimes our babies are going to be upset. And they need to feel their feels. They need to cry and express their anger, disappointment, frustration, heart ache, their feels. I have read so many articles that say that their child didn’t cry when they lost their su-su and I want to say great for you!! But what about those littles and poor mommas who try to do gentle attachment parenting and their babe still cries!? Does that mean that that momma is a failure because her child cried?!
I feel like sometimes as mommas we like to wear the badge of honour and throw it around when our child accomplishes a feat without crying. Well my child didn’t cry so ha ha, so there!! But in all of my shushing and rocking I realized a huge lesson. Sometimes, even in our gentle parenting methods our littles will still be upset and hurt. They will still cry. And that’s okay. What is not okay is leaving them by themselves to deal with those huge feelings. They need to know that their momma will back them up 100% whether they are ugly crying or having the world’s biggest melt down. They need to be reassured that through it all that they are loved. So, as fun as it is to have the soother fairy come and take the binky away and move on to being a big little person what each child needs to know when they are transitioning is that they are loved no matter how they react to those hard days or decisions.
So what it comes down to is this. You as the momma have to make the best decision for you and your child and be prepared for the outcome. Your babe may be great and not cry or their little heart might break and they will cry. You need to love and support them no matter what and remember that no matter what method you choose to lose that su-su, that you have done what’s best for your little one at the end of the day!!
Because oh puh-lease!! You’ve got this Momma!!